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Getting motivated and baring my soul…

Hello everyone! Sorry I’ve been quiet and non-productive lately. I wanted to take a moment and let you know what’s up.

I haven’t talked about it in a while, but for those of you who don’t know, I have Brugada Syndrome. It’s a rare, genetic heart disease also known as a Sudden Arrhythmic Death Syndrome. It can kill me in my sleep. On top of that, I suffer from Afib unrelated to the Brugada. Because of the Afib, I am taking a medication (Amiodarone) with the side effect of killing my thyroid. Anyone with thyroid issues knows how horrible that can be alone.

I spend a lot of days exhausted with loads of brain fog and little to no motivation. I have literally crawled to bed several times in fear of passing out asleep on the way because my body suddenly does not want to do one more thing. It has to sleep NOW. I call that “hitting the wall”. Thankfully, my medication helps. At least for a while before my thyroid dies more and I have to adjust. Taking too much of the medication aggravates my Afib so it’s all a delicate balance. It amazes me what a slight deviation in your body chemistry can do. It really is a miracle any of us work right!

To add icing to the cake, because of feeling like crap on a stick almost every single day, and afraid to fall asleep because I might not wake up, add depression to the mix. Because of the Brugada Syndrome and the medication I’m already on, there is only one medication I can take for that and I have to take the lowest dose. It doesn’t help much.

What does help? Meditation, prayers and affirmations each morning. Learning to let go. Journaling like nobody’s business. It’s amazing how much writing out my stresses has helped me to see them from “the outside”. It’s helped me see why I am the way I am and that it’s okay and justified to be this way. Knowing that the depression is brought on by the health situation helps me deal with it and the health situation. They go hand in hand.

Despite the current world situation and COVID, I’m improving. The last couple of years have been miles better than the two years before that. I almost died in October of 2016. I watched myself flatline. However, I’m strong. I’m writing again. My day job has kept me going and kept me sane. Everything else is helping me get back into my life. If I’m tired, I get rest and I don’t worry about it anymore. I have to take care of ME.

Whew. I hope by sharing this that I can reach someone else who is suffering. You are not alone. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Find what works for you and don’t give up until you do! It’s a long hard road but if I can do it, so can you.

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